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The Last Page
Is Stress Interfering with Your Sex Life?
By Myra Charleston
After years of marriage, many couples tend to have sex as a way of blowing
off physical tension, but what many dont realize is that by releasing that
tension first, they can enhance the sex, and the orgasm dramatically. According
to Gordon Inkeles, best-selling author of The Art of Sensual Massage and
other books, the biggest obstacle to great sex is stress, and that sensual
massage is one of the oldest and most reliable stress-relievers in the world.
While orgasm does involve extreme body tensions, it is much more satisfying and
fulfilling if you start the climb from a state of extreme relaxation rather than
one of agitation caused by the aggravation of daily life.
Everyday stress builds up lactic and carbonic acid in our muscles, resulting
in sore aching muscles and tension, very often in the neck, shoulders, or small
of the back. These acids were useful during "caveman" days when we
needed to be ready for "fight or flight", but now it may take several
days or even weeks to pass all this excess acid out of the system naturally.
Fortunately, it can be done in a matter of hours with a deep massage.
While there are a number of massage oils on the market and everything from
vegetable oil to baby lotion is used, consider using Emu Oil. Emu Oil has
naturally occurring anti-inflammatories and is used extensively as a carrier oil
for Aromatherapy. As an added plus, it is absorbed into the body and leaves no
residue to wash off.
When preparing for your massage, nothing is necessary other than a quiet time
and place but you can enhance the experience for both of you through scented
oils, candles or romantic music. Remember, this not a race, forget the clock.
Massage for as long as it feels good to BOTH of you. If you are bored or resent
"having" to do this, then dont. Ask for feedback from your partner.
Women tend to like a more gentle pressure than men, often preferring a gentle
stroking motion to being pounded. Keep this in mind.
There is more to the human body than the back; men tend to hold tension in
the small of their back, women in the neck and shoulders, so pay special
attention to these areas. The face holds tension as well. Gentle stroking
motions across the forehead, cheekbones and jaw line can be very relaxing and
sensual. Pay attention to the feet, the area around the ankle, inside of the
arms, hands and any other sensitive spot that catches your eye.
Assuming that you have someone special in mind to massage, here are some tips
to help enhance the moment.
Setting and Keeping the Mood
- Eliminate all distractions. No phone, no children, no pets and
absolutely no clock.
- How hot do you want it? Oiled bodies cool down quickly so set the
thermostat at a comfortable temperature. Direct any vents away from the
- Whats that aroma? Wondering if you should move the litter box? Yes
and empty the laundry hamper of those socks while you are at it. Whether you
use scented candles or essential oils in a diffuser, the right scent can
enhance your romantic massage experience. Most Florals (from the expensive
rose to the inexpensive geranium) relieve stress. Ylang-ylang soothes the body
and mind. Does your partner need a little extra help these days? Patchouli
calms and focuses the mind and is, for some, an aphrodisiac. Mandarin is
reputed to ease anxiety and lift spirits.
- Mood Music. Play soft romantic music. The music you select will
influence the type of massage you receive/give. Unless you like pummeling,
- Pillow talk. Unless you have an actual massage table (and doing this
on the bed can be such fun why would you want one?) pillows can be very useful
in positioning your partner. Start out with one or two under their chest so
they can breath.
- Plan ahead! Breaking off the massage to run and get forgotten items
can ruin the mood completely! Everything should be within easy reach. If this
means rearranging furniture, do it. If you are using essential oils in your
massage, have everything mixed in your carrier oil ahead of time. Planning on
a snack for "afterwards", have it ready and waiting so you dont
have to leave the room. Use a cooler if necessary!
- Keep the bottle (and your mind) open. There is nothing quite as
awkward as struggling to open the lid of a bottle while maintaining physical
contact with your partner. Never close the massage oil bottle until after you
are completely through and cleaning up the room.
- Maintain Contact! Keep one hand on your partners body at all times;
never completely break contact as that indicates the massage is at an end.
When getting more oil, place the back of one hand against the skin of your
partner, using the other hand pour the oil into your hand
- Warm it up first! Warm the emu oil in your hand before applying to
your partners back. Cold massage oil will totally ruin the mood you are
trying to establish.
- Pay attention. Is that a groan of pleasure or pain? (Hint: if they
take a swing at you, its pain). Be receptive to your partners
responses. Take your time and talk to each other about what does or does not
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