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Is Stress Interfering with Your Sex Life?

By Myra Charleston

After years of marriage, many couples tend to have sex as a way of blowing off physical tension, but what many don’t realize is that by releasing that tension first, they can enhance the sex, and the orgasm dramatically. According to Gordon Inkeles, best-selling author of The Art of Sensual Massage and other books, the biggest obstacle to great sex is stress, and that sensual massage is one of the oldest and most reliable stress-relievers in the world. While orgasm does involve extreme body tensions, it is much more satisfying and fulfilling if you start the climb from a state of extreme relaxation rather than one of agitation caused by the aggravation of daily life.

Everyday stress builds up lactic and carbonic acid in our muscles, resulting in sore aching muscles and tension, very often in the neck, shoulders, or small of the back. These acids were useful during "caveman" days when we needed to be ready for "fight or flight", but now it may take several days or even weeks to pass all this excess acid out of the system naturally. Fortunately, it can be done in a matter of hours with a deep massage.

While there are a number of massage oils on the market and everything from vegetable oil to baby lotion is used, consider using Emu Oil. Emu Oil has naturally occurring anti-inflammatories and is used extensively as a carrier oil for Aromatherapy. As an added plus, it is absorbed into the body and leaves no residue to wash off.

When preparing for your massage, nothing is necessary other than a quiet time and place – but you can enhance the experience for both of you through scented oils, candles or romantic music. Remember, this not a race, forget the clock. Massage for as long as it feels good to BOTH of you. If you are bored or resent "having" to do this, then don’t. Ask for feedback from your partner. Women tend to like a more gentle pressure than men, often preferring a gentle stroking motion to being pounded. Keep this in mind.

There is more to the human body than the back; men tend to hold tension in the small of their back, women in the neck and shoulders, so pay special attention to these areas. The face holds tension as well. Gentle stroking motions across the forehead, cheekbones and jaw line can be very relaxing and sensual. Pay attention to the feet, the area around the ankle, inside of the arms, hands and any other sensitive spot that catches your eye.

Assuming that you have someone special in mind to massage, here are some tips to help enhance the moment.

Setting and Keeping the Mood

  1. Eliminate all distractions. No phone, no children, no pets and absolutely no clock.
  2. How hot do you want it? Oiled bodies cool down quickly so set the thermostat at a comfortable temperature. Direct any vents away from the massage area.
  3. What’s that aroma? Wondering if you should move the litter box? Yes and empty the laundry hamper of those socks while you are at it. Whether you use scented candles or essential oils in a diffuser, the right scent can enhance your romantic massage experience. Most Florals (from the expensive rose to the inexpensive geranium) relieve stress. Ylang-ylang soothes the body and mind. Does your partner need a little extra help these days? Patchouli calms and focuses the mind and is, for some, an aphrodisiac. Mandarin is reputed to ease anxiety and lift spirits.
  4. Mood Music. Play soft romantic music. The music you select will influence the type of massage you receive/give. Unless you like pummeling, avoid rap.
  5. Pillow talk. Unless you have an actual massage table (and doing this on the bed can be such fun why would you want one?) pillows can be very useful in positioning your partner. Start out with one or two under their chest so they can breath.
  6. Plan ahead! Breaking off the massage to run and get forgotten items can ruin the mood completely! Everything should be within easy reach. If this means rearranging furniture, do it. If you are using essential oils in your massage, have everything mixed in your carrier oil ahead of time. Planning on a snack for "afterwards", have it ready and waiting so you don’t have to leave the room. Use a cooler if necessary!
  7. Keep the bottle (and your mind) open. There is nothing quite as awkward as struggling to open the lid of a bottle while maintaining physical contact with your partner. Never close the massage oil bottle until after you are completely through and cleaning up the room.
  8. Maintain Contact! Keep one hand on your partner’s body at all times; never completely break contact as that indicates the massage is at an end. When getting more oil, place the back of one hand against the skin of your partner, using the other hand pour the oil into your hand
  9. Warm it up first! Warm the emu oil in your hand before applying to your partner’s back. Cold massage oil will totally ruin the mood you are trying to establish.
  10. Pay attention. Is that a groan of pleasure or pain? (Hint: if they take a swing at you, it’s pain). Be receptive to your partner’s responses. Take your time and talk to each other about what does or does not feel good!

 

Related articles:

The Art of the Bath

Can Essential Oils Affect Your Mood

 

        Emu's Zine does not diagnose, prescribe or dispense medical advice.  We report and attempt to educate the public about the possible health benefits derived through the use of emu oil based products and consumption of low cholesterol, low fat emu meat.   This site contains personal testimonies and professional observations.   We encourage people to contact their family physicians regarding any health problems they may have for proper diagnosis and treatment.

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